Buy A fucking gift certificate

Why wouldn't you want to buy a gift certificate to look fresh AF 

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Just the tip

$25 is for pussies. At least get a $50 one.

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Pot committed

Perfect for the gift that says, I like having sex with you, but I'm not fully committed to this relationship. 

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Murder is cheaper than divorce

A gift that shows you are comfortable in your marriage with 3 kids and just want your husband to leave you alone so you can drink buzz balls